Throughout Aston Villa’s 3-0 defeat to Fulham last week, Steven Gerrard had to put up with a constant chorus of: “You’re getting sacked in the morning.” It turned out that outlook was too positive and he was sacked minutes after his post-match interview.
In it, he sounded strangely similar to Liz Truss in her penultimate speech, with talk of being a “fighter” who will “never quit”. You can imagine the board listening and muttering: “He just said he’ll never quit. Get the P45.”
There were high hopes for Gerrard when he started the job and it looked as though he could build something. But it all turned sour rather quickly. Christian Purslow, the Villa chief executive, said: “We were clear when we appointed Steven that we set an objective of continuous improvement but that has not been achieved.” In short, Stevienomics has failed.
Getting the boot is never nice, but when you’re sacked on an away trip, you have the tricky issue of working out how to get home. Gerrard made the unusual call to travel back to Birmingham on the team bus. As awkward as Truss’s forced resignation was, at least she didn’t have to share a lift home with Jeremy Hunt. What was Gerrard thinking?
I understand why he wouldn’t want to get the train, but couldn’t he have stretched to an Uber? I know for a fact that a manager’s severance package is even more generous than a prime minister’s.
Although I suppose you’re opening yourself up to a potentially uncomfortable exchange with the taxi driver.
Driver: “What do you do for a living, mate?”
Gerrard: “Nothing.”
Driver: “You’re a bit young for retirement, aren’t you?” There’s a long silence. The driver looks in his rearview mirror to see Gerrard is looking at a photo in his wallet of Philippe Coutinho signing his contract. He starts to sob.
Driver: “What about this blummin’ government, eh?”
So maybe the team coach was the least awkward of the awkward situations. But I bet it was still awkward. I have visions of Steve sitting at the front of the coach alone. He is in charge of the playlist and plays Nothing Compares 2 U on repeat, maybe pausing it to stare at Tyrone Mings with a look that says “thanks a lot, mate” before sticking Sinead back on at max volume.
Villa and Gerrard will move on from this. Getting sacked is all part of the job in football. You can disgrace yourself and ruin your reputation, then just go on a few luxury holidays, earn a load of cash and plan your return as though nothing has happened. It’s much like the role of prime minister in that respect.
